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Waiting_for_Moonrise
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Birthday: 8/3/1986
Gender: Female
Interests: Poetry, reading, anime, Celtic music, phases of the moon, the ocean, fall, dirty jokes, faeries, sunny days and star-strewn nights, parks and deep forests, dancing, long confusing conversations
Expertise: Enjoying rainstorms, raising hell on weekends, displaying an atrocious amount of nerdiness when I don't mean to
Occupation: Artist
Message: message me
AIM:  LostStarWarrior
Yahoo:  LostStarWarrior
Member Since:
5/19/2004
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| Right now, everything swirls around her
like furious sheets of rain
the coldest shower
and she prays for that storm
to wash it all away
Right now, her dreams in shards around her
like the promises they made
and broke, she feels sliced
to the bone
and she welcomes that pain
Right now, she kneels at some forgotten alter
trying to make peace with a God
she feels forgot her
and she knows that no amount of prayer
will take the last few years away
So from now on she makes her own path
because this right now can't stay
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| I'm not strong enough
to be without you
seeing you again proved that
I turned to you like a flower
dying in the desert
lifts its petals to rain
and you, you looked through me
and I felt my heart turn to dust all over again.
I can't do this anymore
time to give up.
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| but you left
and took with you
all the stability
I had
put into us
thinking that your promises
were worth more because you —
you were the one
that I let inside me more deeply
than anyone has been before
and now I'm teetering
on the brink here
but my heart's not in it
broken pieces just can't care
and I'm getting set to plummet
and you said you would be here forever
NOTE:
This poem is circular; the end goes back up to the beginning and
repeats. So really, it just keeps going around, kind of like my
thoughts for the last month.
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| Sometimes I wonder if, when I am grown
no longer such a child
but a woman with children of my own
if they will pull out all my photo albums
and leaf through pages filled with images
from my past
people I knew, people I laughed with and cried with
and people I loved
and I wonder if these will be people
my children will never have known
Will they ask me, I wonder,
innocent faces turned serious in their moment of questioning
who is this man? this girl?
and their fingers will glide over faces
I haven't seen in years
some I wish to forget
some I wish I hadn't lost
will they ask, looking at moments frozen in time
when we were happy together
before things fell apart
will they want to know why
as the pages go forward
people suddenly vanish
like ghosts recorded only
in my memory?
Turning the pages now
feels like turning the chapters of my life
and friends become enemies within three rolls of film
and a few flips of the wrist
and I wonder if they will believe
young as they are, with worlds to discover and dreams to conquer
that sometimes pictures aren't worth
a thousand words
when there are no words
that can bring back what was lost.
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| Sometimes, when I wake up
lying disoriented in a tangle of satin sheets
I feel like I'm wearing a mask
as if the face I wake up with
isn't my own
the remnant of my final dream, perhaps
created while I sleep
an instinctual defense against the new day
and the pain that returns
with that first moment of awareness
that dreams are only dreams
unlike this mask
which seems so real
I rise, and eat, and dress
seeing from a distance what once
was clear and sharp
right before me
is now dulled, as if this body
can no longer be called mine
only a shell from which I can observe
feeling shadows where there once was light
I sink behind the mask, clinging to the feeling
of security
as I go through my day
a stranger to all who see me
hidden behind a disguise only I can see.
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